Mar 17, 2015

God Inspired Girl Power to #Forgive

The truth is I'm not as strong as people believe I am.
My ability to live a lifestyle of forgiveness is a team effort. 
God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit give me the power to forgive. 
I'm relying on them... again... because I need them now
More than ever before to forgive again... more. 

I forgave myself and my ex-husband for failing to stay married. 
Today I also forgive the other person involved. 
Did I want a divorce? No.
Did I fight for my marriage? Yes. 
Was I a "perfect" wife? No. 
My first act of submission was planning a church wedding instead of eloping. 
My last act of submission was filing for divorce. 
I did my best. 

God helped me forgive all the people who offered to help me after my life crumbled around me. 
He showed me my true friends... 
He helped me forgive and forget the pain of empty offers from the rest. 
#iForgive the ones who found some sick pleasure in my pain...
yep them too. 

Even the people who don't believe they did anything wrong. 
I asked God to help me forgive them too. 
Some folks never say sorry... 
but I still say #iForgive you.

Life has taught me a few things. 
None more powerful than the need to make forgiveness a lifestyle. 
A choice I have to make over and over again. 
Because God continues to forgive me over and over again. 

For all the people who judged me
For all the people who tried to control me to benefit their lives
For all the people who dismissed my pain 
By the grace of God...#iForgive you 

I've made a lot of mistakes.
I'm going to make a lot more. 
No guilt. 
No shame. 
No regret. 
This is the area I need God's help the most...
My intention is to never fail
My intention is to never hurt anyone else
But I fail and I hurt others and I hurt myself
So yeah... 
#iForgive me too. 

Mar 9, 2015

Girl Power to Dream Again

Perfection is an illusion I stopped pretending was real years ago... thankful for resilience, fortitude, faith and the ability to persevere. Coming from behind on my studies and using SpringBreak2015 to recover all. God spoke so clear to me through my daughter tonight. She was about to ask me what I was going to do tomorrow. She said "Wait...I know you resigned Mommy. You already achieved your dream... cause dreams are real Mommy. Dreams come true."

My six year old remembered something I prayed months ago. In high school all I wanted was to be in "corporate America" ....Having children, a family, people to be responsible for other than myself after giving my son up for adoption and not having a traditional family model as a child was too much to fathom in high school. Education and goals were my ticket to "freedom" my ONLY voiced dream was to be in corporate America.

September 2014 God blessed me with a position doing what I'm studying to do in corporate America and I was doing well. Had plenty of opportunity to grow with the company and had a genuine like for my boss ... which is REALLY rare for me yet God told me to walk away from it because this dream was costing me the time, emotional resources and ability to love, cherish and appreciate the blessings I was too afraid to ask for as a broken hearted little girl in high school. My daughter, love, my health, my books, and having a "life" outside of work.

Chasing my degree is so much bigger than a payday later... my baby in less than ten seconds reminded me that God has been faithful to make all my dreams come true ... including the ones I was too afraid to express.... Cause dreams are real and they come true.

So I'm going to accomplish the dream I dreamed first... COLLEGE GRADUATION. Not for my superhero (Love you Daddy... Rest in heaven).... not for my daughter although she like my son... saved me from myself when my life crumbled around me and forever turned out to be a measurable time... no I stepped out on faith....  because with my degree I can achieve so much more and am going to see the dream of graduating college become real for the person I've put on the back burner all my life, for the person I've neglected too much for too long. I'm playing catch up on Spring break because I know God loves me enough to help me see my dreams come true ... even the ones I was too afraid to voice... because God never gave up on my dreams or me... if my abundant life was worth His life... I can trust him to see the manifestation of all my dreams.

But I'm not the only one... He died for you too... listen to the Holy Spirit. Be honest with yourself. Don't trade a lie for the truth and be courageous, be fearless or do it scared... DREAM AGAIN!

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