Calculus Methods is kicking my … behind…. again. 
Not one thing about it is easy.
This is the class I failed last spring while trying to work full time
and complete my degree because I wanted to avoid debt. 
Yeah… that didn’t work out. AT ALL.
The only AP class I didn’t receive better than a C in high school. 
It scared me. In case you’re not aware…
 I don’t scare easily. 
So I refused to give up on receiving my degree. 
After all the things I’ve tried and retried…
Nothing about the subject matter comes easy to me. 
One day I fought through one problem for 30 minutes. 
This class tried to take me out in the review phase.
But I refused to allow it to happen. 
I’m closer to graduating now than I’ve ever been. 
Despite the slow down to my writing schedule
Despite the frustration and TEARS… 
Not the cute pretty silent ones
Not the hardcore lonely thug ones
UGLY… snot inducing…
  wrack your body with sobs TEARS
I REFUSE to quit.
Been there. Done that. 
Threw away the t-shirt and matching hat. 
Not because my daughter is watching…
although I am aware of her curious eyes.
Not to prove someone wrong…
Revenge has never motivated me. 
If you don’t like me… I don’t care what you think about me.
If I don’t like you… I don’t care what you think about me.
After too many years of doing things for everyone else
The time, effort, focus and dedication required
for me to complete this degree as a nontraditional student
is first, foremost and most importantly for me. 
Not because I live a self-centered life. 
If you’re reading this and don’t know 
how much I adore, love, rely on and believe in God…
there are 500+ posts for you to check out.
This is because I’m following His lead. 
He cares about me. 
He is committed to seeing me receive the desires of my heart. 
I’m worth dying for to Him. 
So I can spare a few years to have the life
He died for me to be able to live. 
He told me if I trusted Him He’d provide for me.
He has… it hasn’t always been easy to believe
but I prayed for strength to fight through the doubt
when my faith weakened. 
He never fails. 
Knowing how He feels about me.
Realizing how much he cares about the intimate 
and public details of my life inspires me. Daily. 
Especially when achieving my goal takes more work 
than I thought it would. 
Especially when I have to face something I hoped 
I’d never encounter again or believed I wouldn’t need. 
But have found out is useful. 
Like Calculus. 
There are other areas of life this can be applied to for me
and possibly for you. 
Because despite the ads on FB, IG, Twitter or TV
there is no quick easy way to achieve the best things in life. 
Hard work. Patience. Sacrifice.
Determination. Lost sleep. 
Isolated days. 
Long study nights. 
Saying no a lot.
To others and yourself. 
People’s feelings get hurt. 
Your feelings and those you love. 
Misunderstandings occur. 
Having things in life worth having
in your career,
in your relationships,
for your health, 
with your finances,
in your spiritual life
all require consistent effort. 
Every single thing worth having 
can be harder than you thought 
to achieve.
And if it wasn’t hard to achieve you’ll
fight harder to maintain what you receive. 
The hardships on the road to achievement 
are the training ground to helping you 
keep what you’re working so hard to be or do. 
And I don’t know about you… 
but my desire to graduate hasn’t changed. 
My motivation is greater, 
courage is stronger 
and ambition to achieve remains.
And if whatever you’re working toward 
hasn’t happened just yet… 
you have a decision to make about what to do. 
My prayer is you’ll continue moving forward.
You won’t give up on your dreams. 
Because if it hasn’t happened yet
and you’re still yearning to have it
even though you know it won’t be easy…

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